The F Word

Fat.

Y’all knew that was coming. It is a word I struggle with on a daily basis, purely because I am an eater in denial. I know I eat, a lot, but I lie to myself about it. I eat the wrong things. I try almost every few weeks to start a ‘new week, new me’ mantra when it comes to my relationship with food and it’s horrible. I lurk on the r/loseit subreddit and occasionally just post a paragraph of rants. I’m the classic, eat pretty sensibly during the week and then go crazy at the weekend kinda gal.

I just love bread (gluten free that is).

And cheese.

Especially bread AND cheese.

The smallest I got was during my last year of university where I dropped down to 70KG by going to bed instead of eating. I a) don't have the luxury of sleeping whenever I want and b) probably should eat something

if I want to perform at a high level! But I actually felt athletic (all I did was lift weights an occasionally erg/row badly), I looked lean, I was very body confident. I just want to get back to there, which is why 70KG is my summer goal. It's roughly 5KG to lose but it feels like the heaviest 5KG E-V-E-R!

It’s gotten to the point where I’m looking at the mirror and getting extremely frustrated with what I see but then not doing anything really about it and just getting more frustrated with my complete lack of drive when it comes to this. I train around 3-4 hours a day, 6 days a week and yet nothing below the shoulders screams ‘athlete’. You can tell me it takes a long time, but then also I can show you a stream of 6 month transformations which I am deeply envious. I’ve watched the physicality’s of the other girls at Leander shift throughout the season whilst I’ve remained this blob which just rolls into the gym, it’s an extreme knock to my confidence…

so why can I not put down this cheese sandwich for goodness sake!

I would love to hear YOUR tips on what you do to lean up.

I’m gluten free and vegetarian, my primary diet is nachos, bread and pizza. Also steam fresh vegetables, because they’re so easy. But I almost just want someone to barge in, give me 30 days’ worth of meals and just go ‘here you go, get ripped’.

Please.

Help this lost and confused soul.

Natalie X